six months in


Friday marked six months since I moved to Tennessee. Six months. I have lived here for half a year. Somehow I am still living... and not *completely* failing.

First and foremost, I love Tennessee. It is still surreal to me that I live here. I frequently find myself driving into Nashville totally elated and in disbelief that I can just visit my favorite place after a day's work when I used to plan trips months and months in advance. Even running errands in this small town I sometimes catch myself thinking, "wait... I'm in Tennessee."

Did I mention I live in Tennessee?

I talk about it all the time. I know. But if you only knew what I was going through before I got here, you'd understand how much this means to me. That being said, I don't want to screw anything up... and I'm afraid I'm headed down that road. Honestly? I hate where I'm living, I hate my job, I'm awful at budgeting (I'm poor and in denial), I don't keep up with house work (who has time for dishes?), I never work out/eat healthily (although currently I'm eating a spinach omelet with a side of avocado *high fives self*), I've been chronically dehydrated since I moved here (equal parts coffee and alcohol), and I'm having difficulties pursuing my creative endeavors (ugh). I'm sure most of you are thinking "Welcome to the Real World" in which I would reply, "Where's the next exit?"

I really thought I was going to blog more while I was down here to keep friends and family updated on all of my adventures, but this hasn't been the case. There has been a lot of confusion, doubts, and fear of the unknown. These feelings have been overwhelming and keeping me from setting out to do what I think I need to be doing down here. Not knowing where to start has also been hindering my motivation. I was very vocal about similar struggles in one of my posts on instagram.

Regardless of all of this, a few months ago Ethan and I were walking through a neighborhood after attending a writer's round in Nashville. We walked through the same neighborhood that I had walked through a year prior, crying on the phone with my best friend, not knowing what I was doing and scared that I was making a mistake. Fast forward a year plus a couple months, I walked the same street as a completely different person who still doesn't have a clue, but is here nonetheless. That was a profound moment for me in these past few months. I realized that I had gotten myself here, and everything else will come with time. And I'm thankful for everything and everyone that has lead me to where I am right now.

So, six months later, where am I? Still clueless, but with no regrets.
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