release

This week I'm floundering. I'm up to my eyeballs in school work, I just started a second job, I'm CONSTANTLY on the internet searching for apartments / jobs / cars / etc. for when I move. Speaking of cars -- yet another headache. The latest issue with my car? I can't fill my gas tank. Figuring out if I should continue to fix the problems or pop for a newer car has my head spinning. The plunge into the real world + all the struggles that come with it is SO real. None of this would be as stressful if I wasn't moving in three months + still had so much to figure out.

I didn't even realize how much anxiety I had until I was sitting in class last night and felt every muscle in my body tense up. I felt like my chest was caving in. I started to cold sweat + shake. I was so worn out that I started nodding off -- which never happens in this particular class since it's a psychology course on Mindfulness, which interests me. This class is such a blessing -- I had tried signing up for it months ago, but registration was closed, AND there was a waiting list. A few days after classes started, I checked availability just for fun and there was one seat open. One. And I snagged it.

For this class, we are required to meditate. And it's helping me to release.

Release the tension.

Release the toxic.

Release the mind.

It's difficult to let go and be fully present in the moment without your thoughts rapidly taking over. The key is to focus on your breath + feel the air enter and leave your body. Nothing else. I've noticed my anxiety spikes every time I attempt this because I feel that I should / need to be doing something else instead of sitting and thinking about breathing. Sounds kinda lame right? But the few times I've been able to accept my anxiety and let those thoughts come and go, an extreme feeling of peace overcomes me and makes it all worth it.

Find what calms you + release.

breathe.

Trying to remind myself of how lucky I am for the little things tonight.  I have good health, a job, an education, food on the table, somewhere to call home, and sweet friends + family. Not to mention I have a lot to look forward to in the upcoming months. But finding happiness in the present moment is something I'm struggling with. I find that I have to constantly tell myself to take a deep breath and slow down. Focus on what's important. Focus on what matters now, and deal with everything else as it comes instead of letting it overwhelm me. Be thankful for today. I truly am a lucky girl, but sometimes I wander off my path and fail to realize everything I have rather than the things I can't yet reach. I'll get there...until then, just breathe.

It's the little things that make life big.

*photo taken in Fort Collins, CO